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Kenyans are the most creative lot. And yesterday I was laughing through and through thanks to some hilarious tweets from the TungaSentensi hashtag. The following are the ones that made my day. Credit to all the people who came up with these very hilarious sentences.

Tunga Sentensi Ukitumia …

1) Siasa : Omondi, mudodo SI ASA lala

2) Ukurasa : Mwalimu aliandika kwa ubau uku rasa zikituangalia

3) Mutunga : Nani ali MUTUNGA naliaka mimba

4) Mapenzi : Kipaki na mapotikat wake walipita wakiendesha mapenzi kupwa kupwa.

5) Tobiko : Cheptoo, Lab TOB IKO?

6) Kahawa : Jana tulienda kusikiza wabunge huko uhuru park. Sijawahi ona wajinga ka hawa.

7) Chupi : Tukifa, tutaenda CHU PInguni

Sinai : Kwenu SI NAI, ni RONGA.

9) MKATE: AliaMKA TEne leo.

10) Maoni : Mwalimu usinichape kwa kuanguka. Hii MAO NI ngumu sana.

11) Basi : Chips funga hupatikana Bar si hoteli

12) Uterus : Hawker; “Ukiona kanjo u ter us.”

13) Lucy Kibaki: Makanga nirudishie change loose ikibaki.

14) Matako : Putako yuko? (Hapana) Na Matako?

You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.

The best love is the kind that weakens the soul, that makes us reach for more, that plants fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever.

So Osama Bin Laden is dead. Word has it that US Navy Seals nailed his ass but I was thinking, what if Movie heroes had been sent in to do the job? The story would have been something like this…

1) James Bond got in and found Osama was not in the house. He seduced his wife, screwed her and thats when Osama came in. Osama got angry at what he found and immediately shot his wife. He then pointed the gun at Bond and asked, ” Why did you fuck my wife?” Bond then shot him with an invisible gun then said, “Dont get jealous. You are now fucked too.”

2) Jack Bauer broke into his house against CTU instructions. He tied Osama onto a chair and asked him to confess he was Osama. When he refused to talk, he cut off his fingers, shot his family and then called Chloe to tell the president Osama was dead.

3) Arnold Schwarzenegger started at the border. He coloured his face, set up bombs everywhere, killed each soldier five times as the bombs blew up on by one, He then told Osama to surrender if he did not want him to kill his family and after some hesitation, Osama surrendered. To his horror, Arnold then killed his family so the shocked Osama asked him,”You said you wouldnt kill my family. Why did you lie?” To which Arnold replied, “Am a politician now …” then shot him in the head.

4) Bruce Lee came in and said, “You Killed My Master. And for that you have to die!” And Osama asked, “So you will beat me to death using Karate?” To which Bruce Lee said, “No dumbass. This is the 21st Century.” He then took out a pistol and shot him.

5) Jason Statham got into the house, and in a Heavy British accent told him, “I am the transporter. I am here to transport your soul to the other side.” Then he shot him. Thats when the wife rushed towards his body, and in a bid to resuscitate him, she opened up his robe to nurse the gunshot wounds. Jason Statham shook his head, then shot her too and said, “Rule number two. Never open the package”

6) Chuck Norris kicked the door open and saw the bearded man. He asked him is he was Osama Bin Laden and Osama asked, “Who the fuck wants to know?” Chuck Norris immediately shot him and said, “When will they ever learn not to say Fuck in front of the kids?”

7) Rambo was called in. He got caught by Osama’s loyalists at the border before he even killed one guy. He was taken to Osama’s compound and was locked up. He broke free then killed all the guards by sneering at them before spitting in Osama’s face then shooting him in the head.

Stephen Seagul walked into the house and found Osama and his family in the kitchen. When they tried to kill him with kitchen knives, he killed them without even creasing his coat then said, “Nobody beats me in the kitchen.”

9) Makmende landed at the airport in Islamabad in Pakistan. When Osama heard this, he took a gun, shot his family then shot himself.

A real rtshp has fights,has trust,has faith,has tears,has hurt,has sweet smiles,has genuine laughter,has snorts bcus of laughter,has weird stupid unecessary arguments,has patience,has communication,has secrets,has jelousy .

Mr  Khatendesi comes home  one night, and his wife Shitienyi throws her arms around his neck: “Darling I am a month overdue. I think we are going to have a baby!”
“wow! That is great dear” says the man.
The doc gave me a test today .,…..” but until we found out for sure, we cant tell anybody ,”
The husband promises not to tell anyone.
The next day, a guy from Kenya power and lighting comes , checks on the electrcity meter and asks to see the boss of the home becouse they had  not paid their previous monthly bill.
“Are u Mrs khatendesi?”
“Yes.”
“You are a month overdue, do you know that?”

“How do you know ?” stammers the
young woman.
“Well, madam , its in our files!”
says the stima man .
“What! in your files!”
“Absolutely,”confirms the stima man.

“Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight,”  That night she accuses her hubby of telling the  K P L C people about her pregnancy when they had agreed to hold it till the tests return.

The man vehemently pleads his innocence . The next day, he rushes, mad as a bull, to the stima plaza offices and shouts to the man he was shown to help him ,

“Whats going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?”  he shouts.
“Just calm down , says the official its nothing serious,  All you have to do is to pay us. ”

“Pay you? Why? it is mine = my own!”
“Yes it is yours but you have to pay.”
” And if I refuse?”
”Well, in that case , sir we will  have no option but to cut it off.”
“CUT IT OFF? Was that a crime?  And what will my wife do then?” Khatendesi asks.

“Idont know . I guess she will have to start using a CANDLE ”

Khatendesi  fainted.!