Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on.

One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU…
The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her…

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Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time. That’s the reward and that’s the risk. Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it’s like to love and be loved.

Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have. And there’s a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. It’s the difference between a love that’s fickle, wild and short-lived and one that’s tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time. The first is easy. The second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work — because it’s about keeping a relationship.

Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with each other. Nobody can read anyone else’s mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other’s thoughts but it’s never perfect and takes time to develop.

Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed. Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be. Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way. No one is perfect. It is true love, which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love, which makes a person change for the better.

The power of true love to a person is undeniable.

A relationship needs commitments too. What is love without commitments from each other anyway? It’s like principles and values. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.

The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we love.

“Love is like an antique vase. It’s hard to find, hard to get, but easy to break.”

Every day everywhere, people fall in love … but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the/magical words “I love you”… but more often than not, the truth is just — I am IN love with you. There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you.

This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship…where both were only IN love with each other.

But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you’re in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking. Let your heart guide you. May you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soulmate.

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“Man is the head of creation, and the woman is the crown of his head”

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But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.

Then he saw another bigger one… But may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, “…this is love… You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person….”

“What is marriage then?” the student asked.

The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, “this time you bring back a corn…. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get….

This is marriage.

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Viewing life from the highest
perspective, you feel confident
and secure.  You realize that
no matter how things may
appear, you are loved and
protected.

You know you are one with God, and you
bring your peace with you
wherever you go.  You’re not
looking for love, but for
opportunities to love.

Susan L. Taylor

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If you tell a small word
Answers are delivered
When your voice is heard
Bliss is to me transferred

One lovely look of yours
Collects all the cheers
In you Angel appears
Vanish all fears and tears

Your charm is so fine
Peace of mind I attain
Your sadness is a fine
Then I get terrible pain

Your beauty does enrapture
Your cries cause rupture
Your leaving is a torture
It equals Heaven’s departure.

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Approach scenarios

You have to create opportunities where you can subtly talk to someone without it feeling like you’re chatting them up!

This means thinking of ‘approach scenarios’ rather than just chat-up lines. Create a situation where you can start a conversation and be adventurous in the way you go about it. It doesn’t have to be in a bar, party or club, supermarkets are also ideal places to meet people.

Make sure you’re looking good; prepare yourself as if you are going out (dress accordingly, even if it’s only a supermarket you still want to look the business).

Choose a trolley rather than a basket as this offers you more mobility. Scrutinise the trolleys and baskets of fellow shoppers – when you notice the frozen meal for one or a lone bottle of chardonnay make your approach.

The wine section is always a good choice. Ice breakers you could use are: “Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I’m cooking pasta tonight and only usually drink white wine – my guests are all into red, can you recommend something?” or “Excuse me (again ‘sorry to interrupt’ shows good manners, another attractive quality) I wonder if you can help me, I know nothing about white wine could you recommend something to go with salmon steaks?”.

Now you have instigated the conversation, the wheels are in motion!

A note for men

Take care when chatting women up that you don’t come on too strong as a woman on her own could find this intimidating. Also, women are naturally more helpful and ready to assist and don’t mind providing assistance altruistically without a need for gain or reward. While seeking advice make sure you’re getting the ‘she’s interested signals’ and not in ‘general help mode’. Tracey Cox’s feature on flirting and the five secret sexual signals should help you in this department – see Related Links.

A note for women

It’s important to remember that men function on a different level to women. If they’re attracted to you or interested they’ll not only talk about the wine, they’ll enquire about the dish you’re cooking and find any excuse to keep the conversation going.

Match your listener’s mood

One third of initial impressions come from how we say things. The tone, inflection and delivery are very important. (Tracey Cox’s feature on body language and the five secret sexual signals has more about this.)

One of the key things in initiating conversation is to match your listener’s mood, even if it’s just for a moment, because misreading this can kill the conversation from the outset.

When you approach someone who’s caught your eye you have to make a quick judgement. Gauge whether they’re buoyant, quiet or bored and then adjust your tone accordingly.

Also, your approach will have to be a little different, depending on where you are. In the park for instance, you need to have a light and easy banter – “Where’s the café or pavilion?” whereas in a pub or club you can be a bit more cheeky and flirty.

Five tips for success

1. Avoid cheesy chat up lines and focus more on ‘approach scenarios’.

2. Ask questions and show a genuine interest in what the other person is saying.

3. Match your listener’s mood.

4. Having engaged your potential date in conversation don’t over-stay your welcome. Remember less is more!

5. When you’ve secured the phone number of your potential date it’s a good idea to text message them (if they have a mobile). Texting means there is no pressure on either side.

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You’ve done the hard work – you’ve approached someone and not only talked to them but secured both their telephone number and a date to boot. So now comes the finale – the date itself. There’s a lot you can do to prepare, to help things run smoothly (and hopefully help you secure a second date).

Where to go on a first date

The first thing to think about is the best place to go. Lunch is a good option; it usually lasts between one and two hours and there’s no pressure to stick around if things don’t work out. If however, you’re getting on swimmingly you can always go on somewhere else.

If choosing to go out for dinner then take care with the restaurant you choose as they often dim the lights and soften the music, which can then make it look like you’re on a romantic date – before you’ve worked out if that’s the way you’d like it to be.

Pre-date preparation

People are often panicked by awkward silences, but a little preparation goes a long way. By reading a couple of newspapers to brush-up on showbiz gossip and current affairs you will have plenty of material to keep your companion engaged. It might help to pick four or five interesting topics, jot them down and keep them handy. Nine times out of ten just knowing that they’re there is enough – you’ll probably find that you don’t need them anyway.

Conversation on the date

To take the pressure off the date and to guarantee that the chat flows freely, you can prepare a loose plan of what you’d like to talk about. You’ll probably find that you don’t need it, but as any tightrope walker will admit, the experience is a lot more comfortable with a safety net.

So prepare yourself a conversational beginning, middle and an end:

You could ask questions about the menu, food or wine they enjoy, your journey there, their work, whether they enjoy it.

What shall we have to drink?

Do you fancy wine with the meal?

Let’s check out the menu! Is there anything on the menu you haven’t tried but have been curious about?

Where do you live? Did it take long to get here?

What sort of work do you do? Do you enjoy it?

You could ask questions about hobbies, travel or anything they’ve mentioned previously that could be expanded on:

Do you have any hobbies?

Have you travelled much? Where have you been?

Are you going away this year?

What country would you most like to go to and why?

You could also throw in an offbeat question to lighten the mood, something like: “If you could cook for any three people from history, who would they be?”. If this peps up the conversation, you could also ask: “What would you cook for them?”.

At this point things will be coming to a climax, so if a second date has not been secured or has not come up, a good question to ask is:

What was the last film you saw? Anything on at the moment you would like to see? (and it doesn’t matter if you’ve already seen it, simply say: “Oh I’d love to see that”) And if they’re interested they should say something along the lines of: “Well I am thinking of going to see it next week you are more than welcome to join me.”

Don’t worry too much about having to see the film again. The fact is you have secured a second date and when next week comes you can always say “I’m not in a cinema mood. Do you fancy going for a drink instead?”

Five tips for success

1. Have a few questions and conversation topics prepared in advance.
2. Listen to your date with genuine interest.
3. Ask questions – talk about the food you’re eating, share the conversation.
4. Be positive and remember you’re selling yourself on the first date.
5. And finally, you’ve worked hard to get this date so think happy and enjoy yourself!

Now put your dating skills to the test!

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Statistics differ but most experts agree it takes us between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide if we fancy someone – and as much as we’d like to think it all rests on that witty one-liner, it doesn’t.

Fifty-five per cent of the impression we get from someone comes through our body language

Thirty-eight per cent is from the tone, speed and inflection of our voice

and a mere seven per cent is from what we’re actually saying!

First impressions

This doesn’t mean you can get away with droning on about your passion for snails and butterfly collection forever (content is crucial later), but it does mean you need to get the body language right straight away or they won’t bother to stick around to find out how fascinating you are.

If you’re not already feeling horribly self-conscious, you should be. To make you completely paranoid, here’s another scary thought. Before you’ve even spoken to the person you’ve got your eye on, the way you’ve walked and stood is more than 80 per cent of their first impression of you!

We make snap judgements based on instinct but the fact is, almost every facet of our personality is evident from our appearance, posture and the way we move.

So, how do we tell if our body is sending the right signals – and (more importantly) how to read theirs? Let your body do the talking (and the flirting) by learning to recognise…

The five secret sexual signals that someone is flirting with you

The flirting triangle. When we look at people we’re not familiar with (in a business situation for instance), our eyes make a zig-zag motion: we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.

With friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape: we look from eye to eye but also look down to include the nose and mouth.

Once we start flirting, the triangle gets even bigger – it widens at the bottom to include their good bits (like the body). The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we’ll look from eye to eye – and the more time we’ll spend looking at their mouth.

If someone is watching your mouth while you’re talking to them, it can be very, very seductive. It could be that they’re imagining what it would be like to kiss you.

Mirroring. This is what separates a good flirt from a great flirt: nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone’s behaviour. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something intimate, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow suit.

The theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we’re doing, we feel they’re on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are.

There are two no-go areas with this one, though: firstly, only mirror positive body language; second, capture the spirit rather than mimicking them. As a general rule, wait around 50 seconds before following their gestures.

The eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we’re attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are similarly attracted, they raise their eyebrows in return. Never noticed? It’s not surprising since the whole thing lasts only about a fifth of a second!

We’re not consciously aware of doing it, but it’s a gesture that is duplicated by every culture on Earth. In fact, some experts claim it’s the most instantly recognised non-verbal sign of greeting used by humans.

The trick is to watch for it when you meet someone you fancy. Better still, tell them you’re interested on a subconscious level by prolonging your eyebrow flash for up to one second – deliberately raise them while catching their eye for full impact.

Pointing. Sneak a peek at what their feet and hands are doing – we tend to point toward the person we’re interested in. If we find someone attractive, we’ll often point at them subconsciously with our hands arms, feet, legs, toes.

Again, it’s an unconscious indicator to make our intentions known. Unconsciously, this is often picked up by the other person, without them really knowing why.

So if you’ve got your eye on someone in the corner, point your body in their direction – even if you don’t make eye contact, they may take the hint.

Blinking. If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blink rate. If you want to up the odds in your favour, try increasing the blink rate of the person you’re talking to, by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they’ll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, which in turn, makes you both feel more attracted to each other!

Now, one final word before you go rushing off to the nearest bar to practise all this. Before you go, you must understand…

The golden rule of body language

Don’t judge on one thing alone. Sitting with your arms crossed is often perceived as a defensive, stand-off posture. But it might also mean you’re freezing cold, you’re having a fat day or just spilt coffee all over your top!

Don’t jump to conclusions, instead look for clusters of behaviour. If someone has their arms crossed and their lips are pursed disapprovingly, it’s a fairly safe bet they are on the defensive. Most body language experts favour the Rule of Four, which means look for at least four signals suggesting the same thing before totally believing it.

Safety on dates

• Arrange to meet for coffee or lunch rather than dinner. Not only are you safer in the day but you don’t waste time if it doesn’t work. Help prevent any unwanted chasing (which might turn into stalking) by being polite but not leading them on. If you don’t fancy them, just say ‘”You’re a lovely person, but unfortunately, not what I was looking for.”
• Stick to an area that’s well lit with lots of people around. It’s a good idea to meet in a place where you’re known so the person you’re with can be identified. Chat away to the waiter/waitress so it’s obvious you’ve been seen with them.
• Don’t invite strangers to your home and don’t go to theirs until you know them very well.
• Trust your gut instinct and listen carefully to their relationship history. Are they using the service for the right reasons or are they just after sex?
• Give the details of your date to several friends - where you’ll be, the time you’ll meet, the person’s name, phone number and address. Get them to phone you an hour into the date to check you’re OK; you phone them a few hours later to report in again.

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Top Tips

Leave your comedy clothes in the wardrobe, T shirts with slogans, cufflinks that are clocks, ties with cartoon characters… please just don’t go there. It never amuses any woman.

1. Don’t wear a suit if you don’t feel comfortable in it. Looking uptight and constantly fiddling with a choking collar is a real turnoff.
2. Do wear smart separates that look like you have made an effort. Trying to look like you haven’t bothered is insulting to your date, and is arrogant in the extreme.
3. Make sure you wear deodorant – underarm patches are never a good look and are more likely to appear when you are nervous.
4. Only wear sandals if you have good feet, it’s amazing how many women can go off a potential lover when they see a pair of yellow toenails.
5. Don’t show off your tattoos, a lot of girls these days do love them, but some don’t, so play safe and save them for a showing on a later date.
6. Never try and impress your date with inside fashion knowledge if you don’t know what you are talking about. There is always a chance she will know more than you and see through your act.
7. Have the confidence to give your date a compliment on what she’s wearing. Every woman likes to know that her effort has been appreciated, even if you dislike her outfit, find one thing to focus on and be complimentary.

Definite date dos

• Do have clean hands and nails, we all notice hands and grubby is a turn off.
• Do have a snack before you go out to curb the hunger pangs, settle butterflies in your tummy and stop your first drink going straight to your head.
• Do choose just one area of your body you are happy to reveal.
• Do make time to wash your hair, it always shows if you haven’t bothered.
• Do remember less is more in every respect on a date, be it bronzer, aftershave or jewellery.
• Do wear clothes that fit properly; spilling out of clothes that are too small looks plain awful.

Definite date don’ts

• Don’t start drinking when you’re getting ready, you’ll arrive drunk.
• Don’t wear clothes that aren’t appropriate for the chosen venue.
• Don’t dress like a totally different person from the way you would normally.
• Don’t take over the top presents with you – flowers or a small gift the day after the date would be better.
• Don’t reveal intimate secrets or draw attention to defects, real or imagined.
• Don’t wear too much jewellery – it just looks tacky.

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